Ages since I had a decent pint of Guinness

A phone call this morning at the ungodly hour of 10am. It’s me old mate Charles and he’s in town today and t’would be great if we could meet for a pint. I replied that time was tight as I had the bambino’s, but could he be in Tom Maher’s for two o clock? Deadly sez he it’s ages since I had a decent pint a Guinness. Then dropping his voice he asks if women are still barred at Toms.

Of course they are I say. The thing is he warns, they’ll probably be looking for an exception to be made for her nibs. Fear not I said Tom wouldn’t make an exception for his mother. He sez the presence of women puts a sourness on the drink. Perfect sez he. So after the bullshit among the plebs we meet up and he wants to talk about how everything is going pear shaped. How brexit has divided his kingdom and done nothing but harm and now the very thing the post war order was supposed to prevent namely the reemergence of a militarised Germany was imminent just as Britain had lost all influence over events.

I explained that the brexiteers never got the point that the eu was essentially a mechanism to rein in the Germans and prevent the cycle of European wars and that economic power was never the goal. Now everybody wants to join the eu. and the talk is it’s bound to become a superpower. All we’re missing I noted was an application from Australia. Imagine that he exclaimed, Aussie in and England out! I could see that despite the soothing effects of the Guinness he needed a lift and so I asked if he caught the hurlin action over the weekend. To my chagrin a dark look furrowed his brow and he went on a rant about the TG4 coverage of Kilkenny and Waterford. That split screen crack, what was that all about he almost roared. Do they think we were wondering if Limerick could beat Offaly or tipp beat Antrim? I tuned in to avoid all that crap on sky only to find tg4 is worse.

At this even some of the ‘go be the walls’ in the snug who had been muttering darkly about the fourth green field and 800 years gave a nod of approval. I replied weakly there’s no certainties in this life. Look at all of us who declared Putin would never invade Ukraine I suggested. Where are we now? By now the security detail was getting anxious as the prince wondered aloud if anybody here could sing. He was reminded he had to be at Lismore castle for evening dinner and the place could be locked.

I opened me Rolodex and gave him the four numbers of the code on the trademans entrance to the castle which I had used many times in a former existence. Brilliant he opined and ordered up another round. Changing tack he offered that he found the locals puzzling.They are I said. In Waterford people will look up at their betters but not TO them. Did you ever hear of the painter Flanagan? Can’t say I have he said.

Well, back in the sixties I said Jackie Kennedy came here on a holiday. So they renovated a big house in woods town. Before she arrived Flan had a slash in the sink. Now he said,Jackie can wash her face in that. That’s horrible! he exclaims. So what about the boundary dispute with kilkenny? how’s that going? Let me tell you something now me auld Segotia sez I, England will be back in the eu before any square inch of south kilkenny is called Waterford. As is his wont and completely in character Tom suddenly declared the pub closed and ran the lot of us out the door and that was the end of that.